It's over, well kind of...

"You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? "
-Psalm 139:2-7

As I was going through treatment, I couldn't wait for it to be over. Now that my treatment is complete, I realize how naive my definition of "over" was. For some reason I guess I just assumed that once I was done with treatment, I could leave all thoughts of cancer behind. WRONG! I had blood work done here in Katy on Monday morning... my white count is slightly down from last time, but both my hemoglobin and platelets were up. The next time I am scheduled for blood work is October 4th. I thought that I would be excited about less doctor's appointments, but honestly, it has caused me quite a bit of anxiety. I have been used to getting the "all clear" regarding my leukemia 3 times a week and now I have to wait a month. Although I know logically that if it is God's plan for me to remain in remission or to relapse he will carry me through it, but the idea of having to go through treatment again is enough to send me into a complete meltdown. Thankfully I ran across a book that my parent's neighbor sent me (thanks Kay!). I never read it because it stated it was a book for after treatment was complete. It address several things cancer survivors often struggle with including the following questions:
What if the cancer comes back?
Is everyone as paranoid as I am?
Will life ever be normal again?
I finished the book this morning and can't tell you what a blessing it has been. First of all for providing scripture to answer each of these questions and second for making me realize all these things I am feeling are common. It's always nice to realize you're not as crazy as you think :) I would appreciate your prayers as I am sure these thoughts will surface again.